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I have been asked a handful of times in the past few weeks how the adoption process is going for me so I thought I would post an update…or better yet…maybe it’s time for that section on my website I’ve said I’ll do (for years) where you can go if you want an update. Call in Amelia, my new fairy godmother who is helping me with all things website and here we are! Everything in my life seems to be in a huge point of transition right now. Most days I’m handling it, others I’m excited, and some I’m just really in awe of the curve ball life loves to keep throwing at me. Overall, I’m figuring it out, I’m figuring me out, and it’s been a pretty wonderful experience!  About a year ago now I actually said no to an adoption placement. I had went through the entire process, waited about two years, and when the time came for a placement it just didn’t feel right. There are a lot of reasons, some personal to the situation of the family placing the baby that gave me concerns; but the timing, the pressure of the work load I had at the time…it didn’t feel right, nor fair to the child. The call came as my plane touched down in the states from a special trip to Italy, and I made the call to say I was going to have to pass it up minutes before I was due in a newborn session. It was a pretty confusing, devastating couple of weeks and it became clear to me that to have anything I really want in life would require me to change my lifestyle and my work load. It was a hard thing to realize, and changing my speed has been a hard thing to work on. A year later, I’m still working on it. Since that happened, busy season came and went, and while in the thick of it, I kept thinking how would I have done this, 75 photo shoots and 3 weddings in one month with a baby? The holidays came and I thought how did I pass that up; how fun would this season be with a baby?! January came with incredible trials for my family and I faced the harsh reality that my plan for child care and my main source of support in doing this as a single woman, with her own high volume business, is no longer realistic. In April I was back in Italy, and there was a moment (on a scooter along the coast, of course) that I finally felt an incredible sense of peace about it and a strong sense of gratitude.  Day by day for the past twelve or so years, I have calibrated myself to feel like what I see everyday is what I need to strive for. Newborn babies, families, weddings…it became engrained in me that it’s what I should want, and we all know that as we age, the pressure to have it all sooner rather than later gets more intense. Since that happened though, I have traveled more, separated myself, and met some amazing people that help me remove that pressure I put on myself and it has all led to this really great little adventure that I am loving. In addition, I will need a completely new plan on how I would realistically be able to adopt, (given things that have recently happened) so for the time being I’ve put a hold on moving forward. Maybe I decide to start the process again in a few months, maybe a few years, maybe never. I don’t know. And I’m ok with my no plan, plan. For now, being “alone” and working on a new balance is the best place for me. I have ignited my love for traveling again, I am confident asking for a table for one, and I am enjoying just seeing where things go with no expectations, no pressures. So while LuvEd Photography is still my main love, I’m choosing to step back ever so slightly in the search for what is meant for me outside my work. I will still do weddings, but just a few. I will still do family and baby sessions, but maybe not 8 a day! And I am booking my trips and investing time in a place and culture I absolutely adore. I am also working on a new print shop on my website, hopefully to be finished early Fall. It will sell prints that I have photographed from my travels spanning the past 18 years and travels I will continue to do. It’s my work that I have rarely shared, and not only will it be available in the print shop, but we will be working on licensing to hotels, businesses, offices, etc. I’m really excited to dig all of that out, which in turn digs a part of me out I have been shoving to the side. I am also back behind the emails, and being there for YOU. While I have always held this little LuvEd family I built close to my heart, this year I have really embraced how so many of you are now friends I’ve gathered along the way and I am infinitely grateful for all your love...which is why I thought this update was needed! When I had fears about medical aspects of the adoption, I reached out to clients, who were there for me in a split second. With every step that I inch closer to embracing “me” you guys send me constant notes saying how much you love this or that for me. And with every scary day navigating my mother’s illness you guys have checked on me, and even more kindly, on her.  The goal here is to stay consistent and write an update every month, updating you on my random little journey . Next month, I’ll be writing from a little village in Italy I have dreamed of photographing. At least I hope! I still need to buy the plane ticket when I find some time. I’m still working on that whole bit where I put myself first... and I have a mound of editing to get to! Talk then! ;) luv, ed
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